Silence

Silence can be frightening, it can be erotic, it can be frustrating and it can be depressing if it is not consensual. When I hear nothing from you I quickly become depressed because I worry that you no longer want me. When I cannot ask you a question I can panic and fret, fearing I will fail you unintentionally.

Silence when I know it is intentionally controlled by you is frightening and erotic. When you first instructed me, told me that my role tonight was to serve you without words, without a sound, without saying anything I was both frightened and excited. You told me that no matter what you instructed I was to obey without question. And, as I was to be silent, I was not to answer the phone. You would keep me occupied and I wasn’t to chat on msn either…words without sound counted. My focus was to be on serving you.

I’m excited and aroused. The anticipation of following your instructions does that to me even (or perhaps even more so) if I am not sure what is going to result. I arrive by car at your house dressed as I have been told. I am wearing seamed stockings and a waspie style suspender belt. I have on a sheer white blouse, no bra and a tight fitting pencil skirt which buttons through from waist to knee. On my feet, high black patent stilettos, around my neck a fine black ribbon choker. Were it not for the extreme height of the heels, the arse clinging tightness of the skirt and the transparency of the blouse, I could be your PA visiting to take minutes of an extraordinary meeting...

You open the door and take me inside. The house is silent, no television or radio. In the hallway you turn me and inspect me. You open my bag and remove my mobile phone, disconnecting the battery before returning it. You pull my head back with one hand and unfasten my blouse with the other.

‘Now show me how pleased you are to see me slut’

I kneel in front of you and look up into your eyes. I clench my eyes closed for a minute, silently praying that I understand your first instruction this evening, then unzip your trousers and take you in my mouth. At least there is no temptation to speak this way with my mouth filled.

I taste the precum and play the head of your cock round my tongue. I ache for you to hold me but you are just watching, smiling and saying nothing. I cup your balls and gently stroke the area from your arse to your cock…and watch you groan with pleasure.

‘That’s enough for now. You haven’t earned that yet…Now, I want to watch you strip for me. I will tell you when to stop. Stand now and I will direct you.’

You push me in front of you into the living room. I’m embarrassed and nervous. The lights are on full and there’s space in the middle of the room for me. You put on a CD and I start to strip. I unbutton my skirt and step out of it. I slowly unbutton my blouse. My breasts are bare and exposed, the nipples erect. I wriggle out of the blouse and try a poor imitation of a stripper by turning and winding it round my head. My intention is to leave the choker till the end, for me that has a special meaning and is my sign to you of my submission.

‘That’s enough. Definitely more practise needed there but you may keep your shoes and stockings – they rather please me’

I was actually rather hoping to be barefoot. The shoes have 5inch heels and I am walking on tiptoes. But I think you’ve noticed that I am more vulnerable this way than barefoot.

‘Now if you go into the kitchen you’ll see My supper waiting for you to cook’

You’ve laid out a single steak, some mushrooms, a tomato and the ingredients for a salad. I am feeling a little more confident now; I know how you like this prepared. As the steak sizzles I hear your footsteps behind me. I feel your eyes on my bare arse and almost, but don’t quite anticipate what happens next as you grab my hair and spank me hard. And, I almost squeak…but bite my lip. You turn me and kiss me gently tasting the blood, then sucking vampire like on my lips and tongue. I And then you release me from your grip.

The steak is ready and I serve you. I’m hungry now and watching you eating is making me feel slightly dizzy.

‘Kneel girl; you should know your place by now!’

I am quickly on my knees, prostrate in front of you.

I stay for what seems like hours. I want to ask you what you have planned for the rest of the evening but cannot speak. Finally I hear the noise of you finishing your food. Calling You Sir makes me tremble and wriggle with excitement and I am frustrated at not being able to ask you if there is anything you need. But, warm in the knowledge I have not failed you yet.

‘Stand up girl – it’s time for you to clear and ready yourself’

I stand up and take your plate to the kitchen. I hear you behind me again…your hands on my waist, your lips biting at my neck. You turn me round and look at me hard. Smiling, but firm.

‘Are you hungry girl?’

I know not to answer…I nod my head and once again I am instructed to kneel and suck again. This time, you cum shudderingly in my mouth and as you have taught me, I hold your sweet cum in my mouth, waiting for your permission to swallow.

‘You have done well girl, swallow but don’t spill any or I will be annoyed’.

I gulp gratefully. My nervousness had made my lips and mouth quite dry and I had worried my service would not suffice. I love the feeling of you cumming in my mouth. It makes me want to gag sometimes but, I will not fail you and spill the cum you have honoured me with.

As I have been taught, I lick you clean and close your trousers. You lift me by my arms to a standing position facing you and look smiling but sternly at me.

‘You won’t fail me’

A statement not a question…but I am still tempted to answer. Instead I smile back and try my best to hide my trepidation.

Now you push me gently up the stairs. I know where we are heading. I am, it must be said, deeply nervous. It is not that I have ever questioned you. It is that I have not been forbidden to do so. There are things upstairs in your dungeon that you have suggested I will enjoy and that you have not yet used on me.

Whips of various sorts including something you call a Sjambok…I’ve seen them. They scare me and I wonder just how far my love of pain will go. I try my best to keep an open mind about this, you know me and my body language and I trust you to torment me, beat me, flog me, cane me and spank me. I love you for the pain you inflict which overwhelms me, arouses me and excites me. And, I want you to push me further and further. Then there are the knives. Shiny beasts. You tell me that you don’t have to cut or break the skin with them. That play can be based completely on fear.

And then, I am sure, there are other things I haven’t spotted yet.

I decide the best course of action is to stop thinking and start trusting. Or rather I probably don’t decide consciously, I’m already far too much on edge. I just let my existence rest entirely in your hands.

I’m still silent.

You instruct me to kneel, as I have done before, on your bench. I do so happily. I love your spankings, I know I will tingle, be aroused and ache for more. And, as I feel your hand first firmly but gently and then harder on my arse I want to murmur ‘thank you Sir’ as I would do normally. I can’t. I can’t let you know how I feel…and that makes me powerless again.

Now, my arse nicely warm and tingling I hear you moving across the room and picking out a new instrument of torture. I hear a swoosh and guess this is the whip that scares me so much. I brace myself not to flinch or move. It’s gentle…almost like a stingy massage and I relax. I peep and see you smiling down at me again. Another swoosh, another impact…harder, then harder still till tears run down my face and I drift away to a different place.

You are there beating me and whipping me, yet holding me and cherishing me and fucking me I want so much to scream and I am close to cumming and I know I must not do so will not do so and you stop.

‘Shall I mark you girl?’

You reach for your trouser fly…and then stop again…

‘No…just a little too obvious…we’ll save that for another time. This silence is golden enough I think’

You wrap me in your arms and carry me away to bed and cuddle me, run your fingers through my hair, bite my breasts and nipples, fuck me and then fall asleep around me. And I silently weep with joy.